Dealing with the Downhill

When you are running or riding and even swimming for that matter, downhill(or downstream) is the part of the course that makes life easier.

You are in free fall, the gravity is taking you to your destination and life, in the midst of struggle becomes a little easier.

Downhill in real life is what differentiates real life and athletics. Downhill in real life is miserable. Things don't make sense, a pall of sadness overcomes you and well, you do go in a free fall but at the end there is a brick wall. And it hits you, hard. 

An year back, I was one of the rising stars of the growing "Indian athletic movement". In 2 short years, i had managed a sub 3 hour marathon, done and finished 9th in my age category in an Ironman 70.3 and was running mileages at par with elites.

And you know what? I was injury free. 

A little secret about my running and triathlon life is that I hate my job. I hate being forced to sit 8 hours, being condescended by people who, politely, aren't really the ones who should be condescending( Politically correct?)

Life on personal front isn't exactly fun either. Yes, pictures tell a different story, but they really don't mean much. Anyways, abiding by the word's inference of keeping things personal, i'll move on.

I don't consider myself very sane or infact someone who should be allowed to roam the society without supervision. A lot of things set me off, people are blind to common sense and here goes off my rant. 

Running is my supervisor actually. For all those who wondered why I ran so fast, you can make the answer out from my statements above. 

And then, my only friend was lost. I could not run. Knee and shin issues. Even walking was painful. I have come back, but I am a shadow of my old self and I struggle. Yes it will come back eventually.

But fear lingers on, what if it doesn't? What if I cannot get back to my old self? What if ?

I am not afraid to admit here, I did suffer from, what we clinically call, depression.

And yes, I had no one to guide me through it. No one. Not even the ones who were extremely close to me(or so I thought)

One friend, who shall remain nameless(and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to me and not judging me) helped me come to terms.

Yes, times have been hard. Times are extremely hard. But who doesn't have them? 

But losing running was something I wasn't planning on. And that one month and months I have spent rebuilding are sad.

Yes, that's why I didn't make social media posts. And that's why I was cruel and sarcastic in my behavior. I apologize to everyone who bore the brunt of my behavior. 

I found my true friends and I think i'm left with none. Atleast the ones I trusted enough to call "friend".

Adversity does make you realize who your friends are. 

But life is a lesson, you learn it as it unfolds. People aren't who they appear to be.

I'd like to stop here to thank 2 brands for still having faith in me and being patient with me : Garmin India and Fast&Up India.

The lack of social media presence was something I want to apologize for and I plan to make it up to you guys in a few months.

Yes, last few months were bad. Really bad. I wasn't myself. 

But, as Michael Phelps said "If your goals mean something to you, you will never ever give up on them"

And i'm not the one who gives up. Never have, never will.

One day, I will be back to my old levels and I will value it more because of that bad time.

One day. Till then, i'll build on something which has been tested a lot in the past few months :  Patience.

Signing off.